Revised Treatment

Hey guys, based on the helpful suggestions from last week, here is a revised outline of my story. Enjoy!

An astronaut finds life in a lifeless planet.

Shot of stars and empty space. A small metallic spaceship zooms by. Inside is a candy wrapper which is spinning and floating in midair. Something growls and the astronaut looks down to see his stomach rumbling. He quickly opens up a nearby container and takes out a bunch of empty bags and wrappers. He wildly looks around him. Shelves of empty food cases and cans are scattered all around the spaceship hull. He puts his hands on his head in anguish. Several loud beeps echo throughout the hull. Astronaut gets up and walks to his computer in the front of the ship. A computerized voice says that a nearby habitable planet has been located. An image of the planet spinning around with subtitles is being displayed on a monitor. The astronaut grins with wide eyes and steers the spaceship, seemingly charting a course for the planet.

An empty landscape on a red planet. Dust is swirled around the planet. Camera looks up to reveal the spaceship coming down and landing on the surface. As the dust settles, a door opens and the astronaut emerges. He looks out across the barren landscape and begins walking away from the spaceship.

Long shot of the astronaut’s figure against a barren landscape. Close-up reveals the tired looking astronaut looks wearily ahead, holding his stomach. A sudden loud squeak is heard. The astronaut looks around and quickly hides behind a rock. Behind a rock in front of him emerges a small grey alien with two large eyes crawls out behind a rock and begins sniffing the ground in front of him. As the astronaut looks on, his stomach rumbles. He envisions the alien’s head as a roasted chicken on a platter. He licks his lips enviously. He begins to pull out a strange looking gun from his holster and carefully aims it at the creature. The smaller alien looks on and resumes sniffing the ground.

A large creature suddenly pounces on the smaller alien. The astronaut shockingly looks on. The two fight as the smaller tries to wrestle away from underneath the larger alien. The smaller alien looks upwards to see the larger creature raising his spiky claw into the air as if about to strike. The smaller alien closes his eyes.

A booming blast as heard. The smaller alien opens his eyes and looks over to see the larger alien’s sprawled smoking dead carcass on the ground. The smaller alien looks ahead to see the astronaut holding a smoking pistol before him. The little alien begins walking towards the astronaut eagerly. The trembling astronaut points his gun at the alien. The alien ignores this and then climbs up his leg and onto his shoulder. He licks the astronaut’s helmet and perches on top of his head. The astronaut is entertained by this and smiles. A loud rumbling sound his heard as both look down at the astronaut’s stomach.

Fade to black and then credits as the two are sitting by a large fire with the larger alien being cooked over it rotisserie style.